The Book of Commandments
of Latter Day DXers

The Testimony of Eight Witnesses

Be it know unto all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people, unto whom this work shall come: That Joseph Hauser Smith, the translator of this work, has shown unto us the plates of which hath been spoken, which have the appearance of gold; and as many of the leaves Hauser has translated, did we see and hefted. And we lie not, Goddess bearing witness of it.

Linda Ronstadt Ted Kennedy
Hans Brinker George Bush
S.C. Johnson Wax     Uncle Fidel
Bill O' Rights He Man

Section 1

[1]
Now God spake these words, and as many who heard it, received the Holy Ghost.

[2]
Behold, I am the Lord God DXer, and Endless drone is my name, for I am without beginning nor end of years.

[3]
Thus saith Hauser, Wherefore, no man can behold all my works, except he behold all my glory; and no man can behold all my glory, and afterwards remain in the flesh on the earth.

[4]
And frequencies without number have I created; and I also created them for mine own purpose.

[5]
For my own purpose I created these things. Here is wisdom and it remaineth in me.

Section 2

[1]
Now behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men.

[2]
Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of DX, see that ye serve Joseph Hauser Smith well, with all your heart, mind and strength, that ye may be blameless.

[3]
Therefore, if ye have desires to serve GH, ye are called to the work.

[4]
Ask that you may know the mysteries of God, and that you may translate tongues and receive wisdom from gospel huxters.

Sealing Ceremonies

The following may be only conducted in DX temples.

By the authority of the Holy DX Priesthood, I seal upon you your [name your radio] for time and for all eternity, in the name of the Father, the Mother, and the Holy Hauser.

By the authority of the Holy DX Priesthood, I seal upon you, acting as proxy, your [name your deceased radios] for time and for all eternity, in the name of the Father, the Mother, and the Holy Hauser.

Proxy DXing

Hey, while you're there, tune to 15476 and see if Antarctica is coming in.

A Famous Sealing

And I, Moron, hereby give my name unto my children, the Moroni, and I hereby seal it unto them for time and all eternity, in the name of the Father, the Mother, and the Holy Hauser.

(Unfortunately this came true.)